Is Your Partner Killing Your Sleep Quality? What to Do When Your Sleep Patterns Don’t Match

You’ve probably heard the terms “night owl” and “early bird”. Sharing a bed with someone who has a different sleep/wake pattern from you is incredibly challenging. But it’s common for couples to have different schedules, especially if someone is a shift worker. If one person tends to feel sleepier at a later time, but the other needs to go to sleep early, the motion transfer from the mattress and background noise is likely to interrupt somebody’s snooze.

This one’s a given, especially if you have a male partner. Men are twice as likely to snore compared to women. But that doesn’t mean that this can’t be coming from a woman in the relationship. Snoring can affect anyone, and it could also be a symptom of a condition like obstructive sleep apnea. Research demonstrates that partners of people who snore are more likely to wake up during the night. As such, it’s important to recognize when it is occurring constantly and then do something about it.

You know instantly whether this is something your partner is doing. Whether you hear the ding of a phone notification or sense the bright light behind your eyelids, this is a serious issue that more and more couples are facing.

The growing extension of technology usage has extended into the bedroom and this might be what’s keeping you up at night. Because the light emitting from a cellphone or laptop screen can still affect you even if you’re not the main one using it. Late-night Netflix binging, email checking or social media scrolling are all culprits robbing one person of a quality night’s sleep.

Tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep and pulling the covers are all potential ways that your partner is disrupting your beauty sleep. But there also might be something deeper going on, like a sleep movement disorder such as restless leg syndrome or periodic limb movement disorder.

Restless leg syndrome occurs most often at night. It’s plagued by a tingling or crawling feeling in one or both of the legs. Similarly, periodic limb movement disorder causes an individual to move their arms or legs every 20 to 40 seconds.

Neither of you are mind readers. And we all have individual habits and behaviours when it comes to our sleep. This is why it’s important to be on the same page and identify why you’re not sleeping well. Does your partner snore? Are they going to bed later than you and making a ruckus while getting ready? If your partner is on their phone too late at night, tell them it’s getting in the way of your sleep. Or ask them to do so in another room and then return when they are ready to fall asleep.

Make sure to check in with each other regularly about the quality of your sleep and be honest about sleep issues as they arise. It might feel vulnerable at first (these things are easier said than done) but it’s critical for both your sleep and the relationship.

Once you lay out your needs and issues on the table, you can better discern if there is an underlying medical condition that’s robbing both of you of your sleep. If one person is snoring and their breathing is stopping repeatedly throughout the night, all signs point to sleep apnea.

However, don’t jump to conclusions until you talk to a medical professional. Tell them what’s happening and you will get more clarity, and hopefully some possible solutions.

Great sleep starts with a great mattress. But with two people in the mix, choosing the right mattress becomes a little bit more complicated. You might have different preferences when it comes to how firm you want the mattress. Not to mention, space and motion isolation considerations if one of you has a different sleep schedule.

So what’s the best compromise in this instance? A split-king or queen size mattress. This is essentially like putting two twin or XL beds together. It gives the feeling of sharing one bed together, without waking each other up if someone needs to go to the washroom or wake up early for work.

The following sleep tools and aids can be helpful short-term fixes when it comes to several sleep challenges as a couple:

• Earplugs: for when snoring or other background noise is an issue
• Vibrating alarm clocks: if you both wake up at different times, this will prevent a glaring alarm from disturbing each other
• Headphones: we recommend watching or listening to any form of entertainment in another room if your partner is sleeping. That being said, sound carries easily. Using headphones for the TV, your phone or laptop is crucial.
• Weighted blanket: if you can’t agree on the right room temperature, then set the temperature to the lowest preferred temperature. The person who gets colder can then have an extra weighted blanket to stay warm.

This applies especially for couples who are struggling with snoring or different sleep/wake cycles. It might help to first stagger your bedtimes, with the person who is struggling more to sleep first, followed by the next.

Then honor the bedroom as a sleep-only zone and plan accordingly. So if one person likes to watch the news or work late at night, they can do this in another room rather than the bedroom. When it comes to the morning, if someone has to wake up early, esure that as many things are prepared ahead of time, like an outfit, lunch, etc. to reduce the amount of noise being made.